Conquering Video Game Addiction 

Why video games are a solution to a much bigger problem

We are not ready for the kind of video games that are being made today.

Just 45 years ago, the world was stunned with the introduction of Pac-Man, becoming an instant success, despite a simple premise: collect pellets, and don’t get caught by the ghosts.

A few decades later, video games have evolved to include massive open world, immersive arenas that oftentimes attempt to simulate entire nations. There’s endless amounts of objectives to complete, massive rewards for meeting goals, and scalable difficulty – right to your skill level.

And they can be SO much fun. I know – I’m a gamer myself! Personally, I advocate for and help individuals and families form a healthy relationship with technology and other forms of digital entertainment. But gaming can quickly turn from a recreational pastime into a consumptive vacuum if we are not careful. In order to stay healthy – we also must be aware of the risks.

So what is the ‘bigger problem’?

Emotional Suppression

fMRI studies show that video games actually reduce blood flow to the emotional centers of our brain (for more detailed info, see my article titled “How Tech is Keeping us Tired and Anxious”)

In other words – it’s a hyperoptimized way to suppress uncomfortable emotions. If we are struggling in our relationships, uncertain about our career path, or feel like we are behind in life, we have a very simple way of coping with it. Escape into a virtual world.

As these games get more and more advanced, they continue to do this better and better. They give you less and less reasons to pause, and more incentives to play constantly with no end. We’ve created a universe where – if you don’t want to deal with the problems in your life – you actually may not have to.

Proxy for Progress

As if we didn’t already have a problem on our hands, games these days are also taking advantage of our basic instincts as human beings.

From the moment we are born, we have an innate desire to learn about the world around us. It’s directly linked to our survival as a species – by overcoming challenges, learning about our environment, and improving our skills, we make the world around us much safer.

However – if we face obstacles in the real world, games are exquisitely designed to mimic this for us. Games move at our own pace, often have scalable difficulty, and provide massive rewards for solving puzzles. They have reliable patterns for problem solving, and take effort not to overwhelm the player. They are able to fulfill our brain’s desire for progress and mastery, and become especially attractive if we’ve stagnated in real life.

Cheaper Social Interaction

Finally, human beings are social creatures – our brain requires a certain amount of social interaction to be well regulated.

Without games, loneliness is supposed to function as a signal to compel us to form new relationships. However, games can often provide just enough social interaction to keep us comfortable, but not satisfied.

Online relationships can have a meaningful place in our lives. I know people that have had incredibly positive relationships that originated online. The problem comes when our only relationships are online, and we stop seeking out relationships in our personal lives. Online relationships almost always fall short of providing us with substantial emotional, physical, and community support – the kind of relationships our brains seek out for safety.

If we have struggled with in-person relationships, these relationships are much safer, and become far more attractive. There’s less risk of rejection, it’s much easier to escape, and new people to interact with every day. You can escape any uncomfortable circumstances at the click of a button.

What do we do about it?

If you are a parent and reading this while concerned about your teenager – I suggest you open up the article titled “My Kid is Addicted to Video Games – What do I do?”. That article provides an overview of the approach for children as well as additional resources that parents can use to assist with parenting in the digital age.

Now I’ve outlined all these ‘bad’ things about video games. At this point, you may think that I believe video games are the problem. And they certainly do pose one. But on the contrary, they are actually a solution. A problematic one – but a solution nonetheless.

They are a powerful solution to the intolerable emotions that come from falling behind in life, feeling isolated and alone, and ashamed of our ability to make progress. It numbs us to that discomfort, and creates a world that gives us some sense of control back.

If you’ve been completely consumed by the video game world (like I was) – consider seeking professional support to get yourself back on track. A therapist can help provide accountability and assist with the emotional guidance necessary to create a plan that will set you up for success.

Completely removing video games can be a strategy – but it doesn’t deal with the root cause. In my clinical experience, most people end up finding a different way to cope (sometimes more harmful) or eventually finding a way back to gaming. In order to actually address the issue, we need to create a better relationship with gaming by satisfying whatever problem the games are trying to solve.

Cultivating awareness – document the avoidance pattern

Take note of what your days look like. What are all of your “shoulds”? What are the things that you procrastinate on? Are there certain stressors throughout the day that make you want to game more? For the first week, just document as a neutral observer without trying to identify any patterns or make any sweeping judgments.

Identify the root pattern

By now, you will have noticed avoidance patterns in your behavior. For example, you may have noticed that you have a strong desire to jump to games when it’s time to update your resume or do a job search. Maybe you live with family or a spouse – and every interaction carries some kind of tension that you want to avoid. Maybe you don’t have anyone to spend time with, and boredom itself brings anxiety. Regardless, there will be one or two specific emotional states that feel intolerable – identifying what that is is the first step to freedom.

Make specific, intentional plans to address it

This is the action step. To put it simply: your avoidance of the feeling is what makes games so magnetic. If updating your resume makes you feel like a failure, it’s learning to tolerate that experience that is your pathway to freedom. It may mean finding a career coach, asking a friend or family member for advice and accountability, or setting up 5 minute blocks at a time to build resilience. The point here is to do whatever it takes to start tolerating that emotional state. And know that the mind is like a muscle – the more you train, the easier it gets.

Know your window of tolerance – if you know that step 3 will be too overwhelming, or you’ve tried and can’t stick to the plan, it’s not an issue of ‘discipline’. There may be painful experiences tied to the avoidance that need processing with a professional.

As you learn to handle the negative emotions, you will simultaneously start to notice your powerful draw toward games reducing. Instead of needing to play them – it turns back into a recreation that you can enjoy in addition to the beauties of life. Many have come before you and conquered this, so you can too. Don’t be afraid to reach out if you need help.